Marriage is impractical, inconvenient, unfulfilling



He answered, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.” Matthew 19:4-6 The Message (MSG)

We live in a world where practicality, convenience, and fulfillment are the buzz words of life. "Don't stand in the way" is something that many would have heard, been told or gestured at countless times. Whether that referred to someone standing in the pathway of moving traffic of people, or workers who are slowing down co-workers' progress, or someone who is standing in the way of a relationship that is blossoming. Whatever the circumstances are just quit standing in the way!

But.. what if the husband or wife or children are in the way of one's practicality, convenience, and fulfillment, should they "get out of the way"? What if they don't get out of the way, then what?

Separation? or divorce? These would "probably" return practicality, convenience, and fulfillment to the person's "equilibrium of life" disregarding the resultant family break-up.

Forget about children going through the trauma of the loss of a safe place to grow into a whole person.

Forget about them grieving over the loss of a father or mother.

Forget about them struggling to understand the flood of negative emotions rushing into them like a tsunami.

Forget about them slipping into depression or even a major depressive disorder.

Forget about them feeling anxious for no reason at all or developing a generalized anxiety disorder.

Forget about them abusing themselves with alcohol and drugs to numb the unbearable incomprehensible pain.

Forget about their chronic hunger for love by indulging in sex that will never replace the loss of fatherly and motherly love.

Forget about the possibility that when all that can be contain in their soul have become meaningless...

Will these fathers and mothers finally accept impraticality, inconvenience and unfulfillment that they have been so elusive about?

Will they spend the rest of their lives regretting not accepting impraticality, inconvenience and unfulfillment?

Will it be too late for them think about impraticality, inconvenience and unfulfillment?

So, what Jesus said in Matthew 19:4-6 is impractical, inconvenient and unfulfilling and He is "standing in the way",

for the sake of your children,

for the sake of your marriage,

for the sake of your practicality, convenience, fulfillment,

for the sake of your motherhood,

for the sake of your fatherhood.

If you are a father or mother and you are experiencing a time of struggle in your marriage, please speak to someone who can help you for the sake of the integrity of your family or seek help from a counselor.

by Aloy L. Counsellor, Therapist, Speaker. He has rigorously trained in counselling and psychotherapy, served full-time in ministries, and worked businesses on solid principles. His calling and mission are to counsel and speak Hope to all.

For inquiry:
Telephone ☎ 0481 035 618
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Reference:
Scripture is taken from The Message Bible.
Peterson, E. H. (2018). The Message Bible. Retrieved from https://www.biblegateway.com/

Genesis 2:21-25
God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man. The Man said, “Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh! Name her Woman for she was made from Man.” Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh. The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.

Proverbs 5:18-20
Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?

Proverbs 12:4
A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones.

Proverbs 18:22
Find a good spouse, you find a good life — and even more: the favor of God!

Proverbs 19:14
House and land are handed down from parents, but a congenial spouse comes straight from God.

Proverbs 20:6-7
Lots of people claim to be loyal and loving, but where on earth can you find one? God-loyal people, living honest lives, make it much easier for their children.

Proverbs 30:18-19
Three things amaze me, no, four things I’ll never understand — how an eagle flies so high in the sky, how a snake glides over a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, why adolescents act the way they do.

Proverbs 31:10-31
A good woman is hard to find and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. She makes her own clothing and dresses in colorful linens and silks. Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: “Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!” Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!

Ephesians 5:22-33
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.

Deuteronomy 24:5
When a man takes a new wife, he is not to go out with the army or be given any business or work duties. He gets one year off simply to be at home making his wife happy.

1 Corinthians 7:1-16
Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence-only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should, by all means, go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single. And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master’s command, not mine. If a wife should leave her husband, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. And a husband has no right to get rid of his wife. For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God. On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God.

Colossians 3:18-19
Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.

Hebrews 13:4-8
Stay on good terms with each other, held together by love. Be ready with a meal or a bed when it’s needed. Why some have extended hospitality to angels without ever knowing it! Regard prisoners as if you were in prison with them. Look on victims of abuse as if what happened to them had happened to you. Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex. Don’t be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I’m fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me? Appreciate your pastoral leaders who gave you the Word of God. Take a good look at the way they live, and let their faithfulness instruct you, as well as their truthfulness. There should be a consistency that runs through us all. For Jesus doesn’t change—yesterday, today, tomorrow, he’s always totally himself.

Mark 10:6-9
Jesus said, “Moses wrote this command only as a concession to your hardhearted ways. In the original creation, God made male and female to be together. Because of this, a man leaves father and mother, and in marriage, he becomes one flesh with a woman—no longer two individuals, but forming a new unity. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.”